Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
