New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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