I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We are all done wearing pants today
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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