She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
