I cannot find my penis.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
