bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
two words: eviction party
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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