How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
