By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
