Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
