I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
