Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
