break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
