she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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