you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You are a genius and a whore.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
