His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
