PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
