I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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