Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
