I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
