Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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