i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
