I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
