This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
