well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
