Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
