Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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