wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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