Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He passed out mid-signature
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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