Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
