you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she told me i tasted like america
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
