I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Everything about him screamed your future.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize