Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
