I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
