i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
