he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
