Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
