getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize