dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
