How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
