It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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