my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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