she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
