Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Let's get the cat blown out
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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