so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
