how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
