so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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