i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
