just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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