Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I yelled at your uterus for you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
