I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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