Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
