you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
