Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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