Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
