Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
