you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
