i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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