honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
