My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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