Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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