Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
