I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
