The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
