I just cut my nipple shaving
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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